How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
