Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i've created a new STD.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
