So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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