just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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