We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Life is so much better after having sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
