I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
