"it" just moved
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
