i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
