I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
