I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
