so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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