Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
