the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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