If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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