I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
