from now on my penis is your penis
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
