The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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