we have pet lesbian snakes
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
