3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
