If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
