She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
