thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
