wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
