if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
