dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love accidental penises.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
