John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
