I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
