Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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