forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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