I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
