can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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