Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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