what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
