Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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