He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
