why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
