miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
