He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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