beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
