1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
