before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
