Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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