I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
