If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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