This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He passed out mid-signature
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
