Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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