I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
