Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
