After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
