the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
