Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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