why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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