You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
