I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
