it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
