does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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