I met the friendliest cop last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
